Alex and James get you caught up on Hollywood’s latest news by way of mediocre jokes.<\/em><\/p>\n

Due to David Fincher\u2019s insistence on not cutting some of the more intense content in The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, the film will not see theatrical release in India<\/a>. Well, it will, but Rooney Mara and her tattoo gun haven\u2019t had time to fly to India and pay in-character house calls to all the people on the censor board yet.<\/p>\n

Sarah Jessica Parker is reported to be taking over the part of Gloria Steinem in the new film Lovelace<\/a>.\u00a0For those of you who don’t know, Lovelace follows the true story of Linda Lovelace, a famous actress from the 1970s pornography boom. Parker’s character, Gloria Steinem, is a feminist icon who was a vocal critic of pornography. For the role, Parker will draw inspiration from her years of experience as a bonerkiller.<\/p>\n

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Famed British director Danny Boyle has announced his plans for his next job<\/a>, director of the Opening Ceremonies for the London 2012 Olympics. He announced we will be drawing inspiration from Shakespeare’s The Tempest. In other news, I announced that the inspiration for the shit I just took was Danny Boyle’s Slumdog Millionaire.<\/p>\n

It was reported that the surviving\u00a0cast of Monty Python will reunite for an animated film<\/a> called Absolutely Anything. The news caused many people to ask them if this means a new Monty Python production might be upcoming as well. John Cleese answered that they\u00a0indeed have written enough “high quality stuff” for another, but still need about an hour of forgettable garbage to fill the rest of the running time in order to make it a true Monty\u00a0Python film.<\/p>\n

Breaking Bad\u2019s Aaron Paul is one of the names being floated around to play John McClane’s son in the 5th Die Hard film, and Paul himself likes the idea<\/a>. Surely 20^{th<\/sup> Century Fox is planning to use Paul as a way to fully transition the series into PG-13 territory, allowing Paul to replace Die Hard\u2019s infamous R-rated catch phrase with the more censor-friendly \u201cYippee kay yay\u2026 bitch!\u201d<\/p>\n}