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{"id":2032,"date":"2011-09-06T04:22:52","date_gmt":"2011-09-06T04:22:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/themacguffinmen.com\/?p=2032"},"modified":"2011-09-06T04:22:52","modified_gmt":"2011-09-06T04:22:52","slug":"any-given-funday","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/themacguffinmen.com\/2011\/09\/06\/any-given-funday\/","title":{"rendered":"Any Given Funday"},"content":{"rendered":"

Alex celebrates the return of the NFL with a live blog of Any Given Sunday.<\/em><\/p>\n

It\u2019s the most wonderful time of the year: football is back! And for those of us that structure our fall and winter Sundays around watching Tom Brady\u2019s hair blow in the wind, or watching Larry Fitzgerald wish he played with a real quarterback, or simply watching Andy Reid make funny faces on the sideline, this is a significant time of our calendar. As some weird tradition that I didn\u2019t actually recognize until recently, I tend to watch Any Given Sunday every year around when the NFL is about to return. And since it\u2019s a truly ridiculous sports movie that I have seen about ten times, I feel I should probably live blog it this time.<\/p>\n

I never expect this movie to be taken seriously, mostly because nobody should ever do that with an Oliver Stone film (I\u2019m talking to you, JFK fans). When I first started working at a video store, I tried to rent Any Given Sunday only to find out that somebody else had already rented it. After I got over the initial confusion of another person renting this film, my boss told me the store had a copy I could buy for $10, and my excitement to do so was met with my boss\u2019 look of \u2018really?!!?\u2019 Even this woman, a pretty big football fan, couldn\u2019t deal with the idea of somebody actually wanting to purchase this movie. And years later I still can\u2019t, really. I know the movie features a lot of things I love: Al Pacino, football, John C. McGinley\u2019s haircut, and some really impressive cinematography, but it also has a lot of things I really hate. The movie is co-written and directed by Oliver Stone, features Jamie Foxx and Matthew Modine, and has some of the most ludicrously over the top editing you\u2019ll ever see. (This movie makes the editing in Requiem for a Dream seem restrained.) But somehow Any Given Sunday works for me, and has just enough interesting thematic ideas in it to make me want to watch it a bunch of times. It might be good, or it might suck, but it\u2019s always an entertaining thing to have playing on a screen in front of you while you eat chicken wings. Let\u2019s do this.<\/p>\n

00:00:07 \u2013 Vince Lombardi quote to kick things off in the epigraph! Because, obviously.<\/p>\n

00:01:01 \u2013 Like I said above, I have a conflicted relationship with this movie; it\u2019s shitty, but it\u2019s so entertaining that it\u2019s tough to deny. That being said, some moments are truly perfect. Like the first real scene of the movie, when quarterback Dennis Quaid gets destroyed by way of multiple linebackers converging on his spine. And then, the Oliver Stone we know and despise shows up, both in the shitty editing that gets us out of the sequence and literally as the Miami Sharks announcer\u2026 Who drinks liquor straight from the bottle in between plays. That\u2019s a metaphor for this movie, probably.<\/p>\n

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00:04:28 \u2013 John C. McGinley, y\u2019all! The king of 1990s jackasses is here playing every hilariously over the top sports reporter ever, although mostly just ultra jackass Jim Rome. And yes, somebody really did look at that hair style to the right and say, “Yes! Let us allow a human being to look like this in a major motion picture.”<\/p>\n

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00:06:05 \u2013 Remember that time when Cameron Diaz believably played the owner of a major sports team? Neither do I.<\/p>\n

00:07:50 – Jamie Foxx, playing third string quarterback Willie Beamen, has checked into the game, and promptly throws up on the field due to nervousness. I used to think this was ridiculous, but then Donavan McNabb actually (allegedly) did this just before attempting to lead the Philadelphia Eagles on a comeback drive against the New England Patriots in Superbowl XXXIX. (The Eagles notoriously managed their time horribly in the fourth quarter and lost the game.)<\/p>\n

00:08:56 \u2013 Beamen gets dropped with a late hit by one of those linebackers that destroyed Cap\u2019s spine, and then says, \u201cYou better get used to that, mother fucker. I\u2019m going to be picking peanuts out of your ass!\u201d In no context does that make sense, not even in the realm of nonsensical trash talk.<\/p>\n

00:10:05 \u2013 All Sport sighting! It\u2019s the drink of the future!<\/p>\n

00:18:22 \u2013 I always think that the blonde assistant coach in this movie is played by former New Orleans Saints head coach\/current Washington Redskins defensive coordinator Jim Haslett, but that is incorrect. There are a number of former and current players in the movie though, including Jim Brown, Terrell Owens, Dick Butkus, Lawrence Taylor, Johnny Unitas, Warren Moon, and probably more. Office Linebacker Terry Tate is also in this movie, if that counts.<\/p>\n

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It appears Richard forgot to put a title page on his TPS report again.<\/p><\/div>\n

00:24:01 \u2013 I hate the \u201cThere are no atheists in foxholes\u201d speech the priest gives, and it\u2019s something I hate about the way people in football discuss their sport. Football isn\u2019t a war, as nobody ever pulls out a gun and shoots an opposing player\u2026 with the exception of the opening scene of The Last Boy Scout, I guess.\u00a0<\/a><\/p>\n

00:25:45 \u2013 Dennis Quaid, playing longtime starting quarterback who everybody loves Cap Rooney (think a pre-first-retirement Brett Favre), gives a hilariously over the top performance in this movie. I never know what to think of Quaid, but he\u2019s always entertaining. His screaming freakout from a hospital bed in this movie is must-see acting.<\/p>\n

As shitty as Any Given Sunday is, I\u2019m thinking this movie is probably underrated, not to mention ahead of its time. The over-the-top aspects of it all actually turned out to be quite prescient, particularly with how the sports media is depicted here. Every aspect of the team is examined with a good amount of detail throughout the movie, and the criticism from the media never stops. Every decision is endlessly picked apart by talking heads \u2013 primarily John C. McGinley, who is the media stand-in throughout \u2013 and fans are also constantly questioning the players and coaches\u2019 decisions. So it\u2019s kind of exactly like what football teams have to deal with these days.<\/em><\/p>\n

00:27:29 \u2013 Elizabeth Berkley (aka Jessie Spano) is in this movie, playing a high-class prostitute whose company Coach Tony D\u2019Amato (aka Al Pacino) enjoys. Since there seems to be a clause in every post-Saved by the Bell contract declaring that Berkley be topless in all roles, we will be seeing her boobs later.<\/p>\n

00:29:02 \u2013 The guitar theme in this movie is lovely, even if it is written and performed by the reason I can\u2019t watch The Last Waltz without being furious, Robbie Robertson.<\/p>\n

00:30:14 \u2013 The shot of Coach D\u2019Amato watching his team practice from an elevated, all glass office is very \u2018Fredo is about to get got.\u2019 I assume this was intentional, but I know it was unnecessary.<\/p>\n

00:31:29 \u2013 The editing in this movie rarely makes sense. In a mid-day business meeting, we suddenly get a cut to a sunset, and then to a person throwing a football, and then to a lone silhouette sitting in darkened bleachers. And then back to the business meeting. Oliver Stone was arrested on alcohol and drug charges in 1999, and then forced to enter a rehab centre. This makes perfect sense to me; I have always imagined that this movie was edited next to a Scarface-sized mound of blow.<\/p>\n

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Pictured: Oliver Stone's editing bay.<\/p><\/div>\n

00:34:33 – The business aspects of football in this movie are also accurate; primarily Diaz\u2019s insistence on trading Cap and linebacker Shark while they can still get draft picks for them. But she also brings in offensive coordinator Aaron Eckhart as the guy who is next in line for when D\u2019Amato finally does poorly enough to get fired. This happens constantly in the NFL. I\u2019m looking at you, Jason Garrett, you smug asshole. That being said, Wade Phillips seemed like a terrible coach. Although he made some spectacular facial expressions.<\/p>\n

00:37:09 \u2013 The guy who plays backup QB Tyler Cherubini is perfect. His jaw is perfectly squared, he never looks like he knows what is happening around him, and he has a perfect tan. He might as well be Jesse Palmer.<\/p>\n

00:40:32 \u2013 They reused the shot of Beamen vomiting, just from a different angle. Reusing shots happened far more often than makes sense in the 1990s, including multiple times in Enemy of the State alone.<\/p>\n

00:42:14 \u2013 I\u2019m pretty sure the soundtrack to this movie exclusively contains songs I put on a mix CD in Grade 8. DMX, Moby, Trick Daddy, Fatboy Slim, etc.<\/p>\n

00:44:26 \u2013 JAMIE FOXX FLIP! FOR A TOUCHDOWN!<\/p>\n

00:48:17 \u2013 It\u2019s not hard to tell why the NFL didn\u2019t give Stone the rights to NFL teams and logos to be used; running back LL Cool J is currently snorting coke off of somebody\u2019s breast while a receiver gets a blow job next to him.<\/p>\n

00:59:16 – Every time I watch this movie, I always get to a point where I wish I was drunk\u2026 normally when I remember this movie is 153 minutes long. This would happen even when I watched this movie before I ever had a drink. And in case you haven\u2019t picked it up yet, I wish I was drunk.<\/p>\n

01:01:40 \u2013 If that tattoo on Jamie Foxx\u2019s lower back is real, it\u2019s ridiculous. There are two guns, tucked into the back of his pants, with text that says, \u201cCOCKED.\u201d Judging by Foxx\u2019s head and back tattoo pictures I have found, I assume it is real.<\/p>\n

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01:04:31 \u2013 As Beamen is walking by him in the locker room, Cap (unprovoked) says, \u201cSee the thing about a team, hot shot, is you keep trying to lead them, but is anybody going to follow ya? You know, you go out there alone, you gon\u2019 die a very lonely death\u2026 you feelin\u2019 me?\u201d And he\u2019s speaking with some weird accent. It\u2019s odd. But hilarious.<\/p>\n

01:09:02 – Willie Beamen is a good precursor to Michael Vick: he runs when coaches want him to throw, people are trying to get him to change his style, and he has tons of sponsorships seemingly overnight. I think they saved the dogfighting for the sequel.<\/p>\n

01:12:44 \u2013 Al Pacino is having a tickle fight with Jessie Spano. That is something I never expected to see.<\/p>\n

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TICKLE FIGHT!<\/p><\/div>\n

01:17:19 \u2013 When Beamen goes over to Coach D\u2019Amato\u2019s house for jambalaya, it is possibly the most ridiculous scene in the movie. We get mid-conversation cutaways to old football footage, the Miami skyline, sped-up modern football footage, clouds, scenes from Spartacus (seriously!), and Beamen is wearing a bright yellow, skintight Under Armor-esque shirt. Oh, and copious thunder sound effects for no reason. The worst part is that their conversation is actually pretty interesting, and would have worked just fine without Stone coking everything up.<\/p>\n

Another legitimately interesting thing in this movie is the way coaches and medical staff betray the players. Beamen talks about how when he first came into the league, a coach made him play cornerback, despite his small stature, which in turn lead to Beamen separating his shoulder. This, in turn, has had long lasting effects on the effectiveness of his throwing arm once he was able to go back to playing QB. Also, in the opening scene when Cap gets demolished, head trainer James Woods talks Cap into walking off the field, despite Cap having a serious, career-threatening injury.<\/em><\/p>\n

01:24:55 \u2013 Beamen was talking shit about Shark at a party, so naturally Shark is now standing on top of Beamen\u2019s Hummer and cutting it in half with a buzzsaw. This is a lesson in being a team, I think. Coach Taylor did the same thing once, probably.<\/p>\n

01:30:28 \u2013 Assistant trainer Matthew Modine has looked into Shark\u2019s neck injury, and has discovered that Shark broke his neck and it was not properly diagnosed, leading to it never healing correctly. Should he continue to play, he is told that one big hit could either paralyze or kill him. When Shark is confronted about this, he still wants to play, which Coach D\u2019Amato says he can do if Shark will sign a waiver. Coach is not immune to being immoral, it seems.<\/p>\n

01:34:07 \u2013 Medical assistant Matthew Modine is standing up to the team\u2019s lead trainer, James Woods! Standing up for what\u2019s right! (Honestly, their conversation is a kind of interesting argument about the ethics of when it\u2019s okay to let an injured player play.)<\/p>\n

01:39:02 – The medical stuff continues, and Coach D\u2019Amato continues to make ethically questionable decisions, seemingly in the hopes of saving his job. This time he talks Cap into playing in the playoff game, despite Cap being convinced that he is not healthy enough to do so.<\/p>\n

01:39:45 \u2013 \u201cAnd I\u2019ve got this\u2026 RUPTURED DISC!\u201d #Quaid4Prez<\/p>\n

01:41:10 \u2013 Lauren Holly plays a terrible woman really well. Her yelling at her husband Cap for wanting to retire is great. And she\u2019s about to slap him!<\/p>\n

01:41:46 \u2013 There it is! #LaurenHolly4FirstLady<\/p>\n

01:44:40 \u2013 \u201cThis kid might sell a lot of t-shirts, but he is TEARIN\u2019 THIS TEAM APAAAHHHT!!!\u201d 90s Pacino sure can chew some scenery.<\/p>\n

01:50:44 \u2013 \u2026And then Charlton Heston showed up. No really, he just walked into frame. He\u2019s playing the league commissioner, apparently.<\/p>\n

01:51:27 \u2013 Shark is trying to talk Modine into giving him a cortisone shot! NOOOO!!!! Keep being the White Knight of your team\u2019s medical staff! DON\u2019T BE JAMES WOODS!<\/p>\n

01:52:02 \u2013 I know I made fun of Pacino 8 minutes ago, but he is actually pretty good in this movie, and he plays a good coach. At no point is that statement more obviously true than in the speech he is currently giving, the \u2018Inches\u2019 speech. He\u2019s doing his Pacino \u2018slow build to yelling\u2019 thing, but it\u2019s effective. After all, he\u2019s giving a motivational speech. And while I love Coach Taylor\u2019s whisper speeches, sometimes I just want Pacino to yell, \u201cIt\u2019s the six inches, INFRONTAYAFACE!\u201d at me. Thanks, Al. That being said, your sideburns are ludicrous.<\/p>\n