Alex stops in to provide a guide to his favourite (and least favourite) Toronto movie theatres.<\/em><\/p>\n

I love being in a movie theatre. When I say things like, \u201cA movie theatre is my favourite place to be,\u201d I mean it, despite the generally hyperbolic feel of that sentence. And it\u2019s not just that these are the places where I get my favourite thing delivered to me; I would imagine Bubbles\u2019 favourite thing is heroin, but that doesn\u2019t necessarily make him a big fan of needles. I like most of the aspects of being in a movie theatre: I like trying to avoid sitting near the sweaty guy who was scratching his balls in front of me in the ticket line, and I like trying to piece together what the people around me thought of the movie as I walk out during the end credits.<\/p>\n

I have been living in Toronto for just over a year now, which means I have probably gone to a movie theatre in Toronto approximately 100 times, a figure that is barely an exaggeration. Some movie theatres are better than others, and some seem to draw in mid-movie texters like barbeques draw me into parties. \u00a0I am here to make sure you avoid the latter options.<\/p>\n

SECOND RUN\/INDEPENDENTS<\/strong><\/p>\n

Bloor Cinema<\/a><\/strong>
\nThis theatre is pretty decent. They show a mix of second run Hollywood movies and independent movies, and they have a pretty rocking balcony. The audiences are typically pretty small, quiet, and polite, and I have never taken issue with another patron there. Also, I got to see Annie Hall there, so this place gets the official Life Pass of Awesomeness from me just for that. Their seats aren\u2019t the most comfortable, but they are currently undergoing renovations, so maybe that will change\u2026 Oh god, I hope they\u2019re not taking the balcony out.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Toronto Underground<\/a><\/strong>
\nI love this theatre, despite not having been there in a while. Opening last May, they began with a bang, allowing me to see all kinds of awesome movies I never thought I would get to see on a big screen again, including Seven, Speed, Easy Rider, and There Will Be Blood. They also have a double bill ticket price for people like myself who want to see both movies and save a couple bucks doing so, which is the first time I have ever seen that. Sadly, they don\u2019t seem to be doing particularly well, and the movies they show have become both less frequent and less interesting, which sucks. Still, it\u2019s a great place to see a movie if you can make it.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Revue Cinema<\/a><\/strong>
\nOh, the sweet delightful Revue theatre. Almost all of the seats are broken (but extremely cushiony), the theatre is too long, and the sound only seems to come from the front of the room. That being said, I love this theatre. Go, but make sure you go a bit early to find a good seat. I don\u2019t mean that because it\u2019s going to fill up, I just mean you need at least 5 minutes to find a seat that won\u2019t collapse under you over the course of the movie. I also saw Annie Hall here, so again, Life Pass of Awesomeness.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

The Royal<\/a><\/strong>
\nAnother fairly decent independent theatre, and this one is probably most well known for its monthly late-night screenings of the 2002 Tommy Wiseau masterpiece The Room. Bring your spoons, and be prepared to not be able to hear what anybody is saying in the movie (not that you would want to anyway). Otherwise, this is a good spot to see a movie, and the audiences for movies that aren\u2019t The Room tend to be pretty respectful.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

TIFF Lightbox<\/a><\/strong>
\nThis is a new theatre that shows new independent movies, as well as plenty of classics. They recently did a Terrence Malick retrospective, which of course meant I essentially lived there for a weekend. The theatres are nice, the seats are comfortable, and the audiences are respectful to the point that it\u2019s kind of hilarious. If you think I sound like a hilariously artsy douche when I talk about movies, you will find some high comedy at the Lightbox. That being said, those are my people, so BACK OFF.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Carlton<\/a><\/strong>
\nThis is technically a chain theatre, but it\u2019s a small chain that plays a lot of indies, so I think it fits here. I really love this place, from the tiny cinemas to the fact that on most days the person who sells you your ticket will slide slightly to your right and then sell you popcorn. Typically, the audiences are as small as the screens, but the seats are comfortable and they do $5 Tuesdays. If I had to pick a favourite theatre in the city, this one is either number 1 or 2.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

CHAINS<\/strong><\/p>\n

AMC Yonge\/Dundas<\/strong><\/a>
\nFuck this place. Hands down the worst theatre in the city, and whenever I say \u201cGood choice!\u201d to you picking that theatre, I\u2019m lying. The theatres are nice enough, and I kind of dig the setup of the whole place, but the audiences tend to be the worst. If you want to see a movie where you are essentially guaranteed to be bothered by a fellow moviegoer, go here. I will not hesitate to tell somebody to shut up or stop texting (sorry kids, but I\u2019m trying to watch this movie about a man dressed up like a giant bat here), but sometimes it would take the whole movie to get to all these jackasses to actually watch the movie they\u2019re allegedly there to see. My only theory as to how this happens is because of the theatre\u2019s central location, and all the jackasses just happen to be nearby buying things from the mall or something. I don\u2019t know. I sound like an elitist, but seriously, this place is awful. They hosted a premiere screening of the Bieber movie, though!<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Cineplex Yonge\/Eglinton<\/a><\/strong>
\nThis place is a pretty good Cineplex, just make sure to go when the kids are in school. Remember when you went to see movies when you were 14, and you used that time to basically talk to each other, shoot straw wrappers at people, and put your feet up on chairs? Well I saw a lot of that when I went to see Limitless during what appeared to be March Break; luckily, I was there to see Limitless so I didn\u2019t care. And I used to do all that shit too, so I\u2019m pretty forgiving of moderate levels of tomfoolery, so long as the kids don\u2019t pull out their cell phones. (I realize I never did that because I\u2019m just a bit too old to have been a kid when cell phones were ubiquitous, but STILL. They never did that shit back in my day, and that\u2019s what matters to me.) It\u2019s a nice theatre, and there\u2019s a decent Chapters or Indigo right next to it for helping you kill time when you\u2019re early.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Cumberland 4<\/a><\/strong>
\nThis one might as well be an indie theatre, but it\u2019s run by Cineplex so I guess I can\u2019t really call it that. It\u2019s a very small spot, with only four cinemas, and it\u2019s pretty run down, but as long as you sit in the front half of the cinema, there likely won\u2019t be any problems\u2026 other than the fact that you can periodically kind of hear subway trains going under you in their largest cinema. BUT! Sometimes they give you free popcorn for seemingly no reason (probably because they never get more than 4 people showing up to a show), so that\u2019s pretty cool. There will be some movies playing here that won\u2019t play anywhere else, which I also dig.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Cineplex Scotiabank Theatre<\/a><\/strong>
\nProbably the second worst theatre for annoying filmgoers (let\u2019s call them AMCers), but it\u2019s a pretty distant second. For all the shit I give moviegoers about texting and talking and eating apples during Malick\u2019s uber-silent The Tree of Life, I rarely have a legitimate issue with a moviegoing audience outside of that AMC hellhole. Also, the giant escalator at Scotiabank Theatre is pretty cool, and if you focus on the giant video cube for the whole time you ascend, you can kind of lose perspective on which way is up. Which is odd, but awesome. Oddsome? That being said, the IMAX bulb burnt out halfway through Tron: Legacy, and their screening of this year\u2019s Wrestlemania cut out permanently during the main event, both of which were frustrating (but financially lucrative for myself and James).<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Varsity<\/a><\/strong>
\nNot a lot to say about this theatre: it\u2019s a good spot, and they play a mix of indies and Hollywood movies. I go there pretty often, mostly due to convenience, and outside of them not turning off the lights for the first five minutes of The Adjustment Bureau, I have no complaints.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Market Square<\/a><\/strong>
\nWHAT UP, MARKET SQUARE?!!? If the Carlton isn\u2019t my favourite spot to see a movie in Toronto, then its sister theatre at King & Jarvis most definitely is. They do $5 Tuesdays, have the cheapest matinees in the city, and it\u2019s an underground theatre so nobody gets cell phone reception. Perhaps I love it as much as I do because it reminds me of the first movie theatre I actually loved going to (and you never forget your first love, even when that first love enjoys cartoon paintings of pedophile bears), but I think it is pretty great on its own merits. Put it this way: when I went to see the movie I was most excited for since moving to Toronto, Inception, I was at Market Square.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

I would say see you at the movies, but I\u2019m pretty sure Siskel & Ebert called dibs on that sign off decades ago. Soooo\u2026 Nibs are the best movie snack!<\/p>\n

\u2026I think I need to work on that one.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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