HOLLYWOOD RECAP: January 16th – 22nd

Published on January 22nd, 2012

Alex and James recap the news in Hollywood this week, and crack jokes about Chuck Norris.

Matthew Lillard has been named as a co-star in a new film starring Clint Eastwood. Wait… I thought Clint Eastwood quit acting after Gran Torino. And before The Descendants, I thought acting had quit Matthew Lillard.

While the TV show Community remains off the air for the time being, you can’t stop the show’s devoted fans from thinking about it. This week, we got a fan’s re-imagining of the famous mutant ensemble as the cast of the show.

I sure hope Storm has the power to get Community back on the air. (Get it? AIR!)

Tommy Lee Jones has joined The Emperor, a film about Japan in the wake of the atomic bombings that ended World War II. “Tommy will bring strength, intelligence, and gravitas to the portrayal of General Douglas MacArthur, a legendary American hero,” said producer Gary Foster. Also, he will bring his eye wrinkles, his steely glare, and his penchant for never once giving a fuck.

The international American Reunion trailer was released this week. It’s interesting that people in real life go to their high school reunions wishing they were movie stars, but these former movie stars wish they didn’t have to go to this reunion just to get a cheque.

Earlier in the week we heard talks about Dexter heading to the big screen. The project, of course, would rely on the participation of Michael C. Hall… Not that the MacGuffin Men will ever Michael C. this movie anyway.

"Not funny, guys."

WAIT, WAIT, WE’VE GOT ANOTHER X-MEN JOKE… If only Community’s ratings were able to regenerate as quickly as Wolverine’s health!

Fired director and co-writer Julie Taymor is fighting with Spider-Man: Turn off the Dark producers over her compensation. Apparently she doesn’t think she has been adequately compensated for all the show’s delays, and turning it into an internet laughingstock… Not to mention the show’s stunts concussing two cast members, leaving a stunt worker with two broken feet, and breaking another’s wrists. We’re on Taymor’s side, obviously. #OccupyBroadway

OOOOH ONE MORE… If only Jean Grae could put a protective force field around Community so it could never get cancelled!

The poster for Jason Statham’s new action movie Safe was released. It doesn’t make me feel safe… just aroused.

George Lucas announced his retirement from making blockbuster films this week, although we’re not entirely sure that didn’t already happen with the release of Return of the Jedi.

Chuck Norris discussed how he only participated in The Expendables 2 because the producers agreed to change its rating to PG-13. At a press conference, Norris was reported as saying, “With ‘The Expendables 2’ you have a lot of hard language in there that means that young people won’t be able to see it. I said, ‘I don’t do movies like that. I didn’t do them in the past, I didn’t do them on my TV series.’ I said, ‘You have to cut out all the language, hardcore language or I can’t do it.’ So they did, and ‘Expendables’ is now a PG-13 film so kids can see it.” Because when Chuck Norris saw The Expendables, the reason he couldn’t let his kids see it was that Jet Li says ‘fuck,’ not that Dolph Lundgren MADE A DUDE EXPLODE.

Paranormal Activity is now being kicked around as a Hollywood property ready for a Broadway appearance. When reached for comment, Julie Taymor said, “How many people can I injure? And how much money can I make from the producers for doing so?”

Also, this.

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