Alex stops in to provide a guide to his favourite (and least favourite) Toronto movie theatres.
I love being in a movie theatre. When I say things like, “A movie theatre is my favourite place to be,” I mean it, despite the generally hyperbolic feel of that sentence. And it’s not just that these are the places where I get my favourite thing delivered to me; I would imagine Bubbles’ favourite thing is heroin, but that doesn’t necessarily make him a big fan of needles. I like most of the aspects of being in a movie theatre: I like trying to avoid sitting near the sweaty guy who was scratching his balls in front of me in the ticket line, and I like trying to piece together what the people around me thought of the movie as I walk out during the end credits.
I have been living in Toronto for just over a year now, which means I have probably gone to a movie theatre in Toronto approximately 100 times, a figure that is barely an exaggeration. Some movie theatres are better than others, and some seem to draw in mid-movie texters like barbeques draw me into parties. I am here to make sure you avoid the latter options.
SECOND RUN/INDEPENDENTS
Bloor Cinema
This theatre is pretty decent. They show a mix of second run Hollywood movies and independent movies, and they have a pretty rocking balcony. The audiences are typically pretty small, quiet, and polite, and I have never taken issue with another patron there. Also, I got to see Annie Hall there, so this place gets the official Life Pass of Awesomeness from me just for that. Their seats aren’t the most comfortable, but they are currently undergoing renovations, so maybe that will change… Oh god, I hope they’re not taking the balcony out.
Toronto Underground
I love this theatre, despite not having been there in a while. Opening last May, they began with a bang, allowing me to see all kinds of awesome movies I never thought I would get to see on a big screen again, including Seven, Speed, Easy Rider, and There Will Be Blood. They also have a double bill ticket price for people like myself who want to see both movies and save a couple bucks doing so, which is the first time I have ever seen that. Sadly, they don’t seem to be doing particularly well, and the movies they show have become both less frequent and less interesting, which sucks. Still, it’s a great place to see a movie if you can make it.
Revue Cinema
Oh, the sweet delightful Revue theatre. Almost all of the seats are broken (but extremely cushiony), the theatre is too long, and the sound only seems to come from the front of the room. That being said, I love this theatre. Go, but make sure you go a bit early to find a good seat. I don’t mean that because it’s going to fill up, I just mean you need at least 5 minutes to find a seat that won’t collapse under you over the course of the movie. I also saw Annie Hall here, so again, Life Pass of Awesomeness.
The Royal
Another fairly decent independent theatre, and this one is probably most well known for its monthly late-night screenings of the 2002 Tommy Wiseau masterpiece The Room. Bring your spoons, and be prepared to not be able to hear what anybody is saying in the movie (not that you would want to anyway). Otherwise, this is a good spot to see a movie, and the audiences for movies that aren’t The Room tend to be pretty respectful.
TIFF Lightbox
This is a new theatre that shows new independent movies, as well as plenty of classics. They recently did a Terrence Malick retrospective, which of course meant I essentially lived there for a weekend. The theatres are nice, the seats are comfortable, and the audiences are respectful to the point that it’s kind of hilarious. If you think I sound like a hilariously artsy douche when I talk about movies, you will find some high comedy at the Lightbox. That being said, those are my people, so BACK OFF.
Carlton
This is technically a chain theatre, but it’s a small chain that plays a lot of indies, so I think it fits here. I really love this place, from the tiny cinemas to the fact that on most days the person who sells you your ticket will slide slightly to your right and then sell you popcorn. Typically, the audiences are as small as the screens, but the seats are comfortable and they do $5 Tuesdays. If I had to pick a favourite theatre in the city, this one is either number 1 or 2.
CHAINS
AMC Yonge/Dundas
Fuck this place. Hands down the worst theatre in the city, and whenever I say “Good choice!” to you picking that theatre, I’m lying. The theatres are nice enough, and I kind of dig the setup of the whole place, but the audiences tend to be the worst. If you want to see a movie where you are essentially guaranteed to be bothered by a fellow moviegoer, go here. I will not hesitate to tell somebody to shut up or stop texting (sorry kids, but I’m trying to watch this movie about a man dressed up like a giant bat here), but sometimes it would take the whole movie to get to all these jackasses to actually watch the movie they’re allegedly there to see. My only theory as to how this happens is because of the theatre’s central location, and all the jackasses just happen to be nearby buying things from the mall or something. I don’t know. I sound like an elitist, but seriously, this place is awful. They hosted a premiere screening of the Bieber movie, though!
Cineplex Yonge/Eglinton
This place is a pretty good Cineplex, just make sure to go when the kids are in school. Remember when you went to see movies when you were 14, and you used that time to basically talk to each other, shoot straw wrappers at people, and put your feet up on chairs? Well I saw a lot of that when I went to see Limitless during what appeared to be March Break; luckily, I was there to see Limitless so I didn’t care. And I used to do all that shit too, so I’m pretty forgiving of moderate levels of tomfoolery, so long as the kids don’t pull out their cell phones. (I realize I never did that because I’m just a bit too old to have been a kid when cell phones were ubiquitous, but STILL. They never did that shit back in my day, and that’s what matters to me.) It’s a nice theatre, and there’s a decent Chapters or Indigo right next to it for helping you kill time when you’re early.
Cumberland 4
This one might as well be an indie theatre, but it’s run by Cineplex so I guess I can’t really call it that. It’s a very small spot, with only four cinemas, and it’s pretty run down, but as long as you sit in the front half of the cinema, there likely won’t be any problems… other than the fact that you can periodically kind of hear subway trains going under you in their largest cinema. BUT! Sometimes they give you free popcorn for seemingly no reason (probably because they never get more than 4 people showing up to a show), so that’s pretty cool. There will be some movies playing here that won’t play anywhere else, which I also dig.
Cineplex Scotiabank Theatre
Probably the second worst theatre for annoying filmgoers (let’s call them AMCers), but it’s a pretty distant second. For all the shit I give moviegoers about texting and talking and eating apples during Malick’s uber-silent The Tree of Life, I rarely have a legitimate issue with a moviegoing audience outside of that AMC hellhole. Also, the giant escalator at Scotiabank Theatre is pretty cool, and if you focus on the giant video cube for the whole time you ascend, you can kind of lose perspective on which way is up. Which is odd, but awesome. Oddsome? That being said, the IMAX bulb burnt out halfway through Tron: Legacy, and their screening of this year’s Wrestlemania cut out permanently during the main event, both of which were frustrating (but financially lucrative for myself and James).
Varsity
Not a lot to say about this theatre: it’s a good spot, and they play a mix of indies and Hollywood movies. I go there pretty often, mostly due to convenience, and outside of them not turning off the lights for the first five minutes of The Adjustment Bureau, I have no complaints.
Market Square
WHAT UP, MARKET SQUARE?!!? If the Carlton isn’t my favourite spot to see a movie in Toronto, then its sister theatre at King & Jarvis most definitely is. They do $5 Tuesdays, have the cheapest matinees in the city, and it’s an underground theatre so nobody gets cell phone reception. Perhaps I love it as much as I do because it reminds me of the first movie theatre I actually loved going to (and you never forget your first love, even when that first love enjoys cartoon paintings of pedophile bears), but I think it is pretty great on its own merits. Put it this way: when I went to see the movie I was most excited for since moving to Toronto, Inception, I was at Market Square.
I would say see you at the movies, but I’m pretty sure Siskel & Ebert called dibs on that sign off decades ago. Soooo… Nibs are the best movie snack!
…I think I need to work on that one.
